


Enough to See By

by szm



Category: Torchwood
Genre: 2x04 meat, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szm/pseuds/szm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Despite what most of the universe seems to think, not everything is about Jack."</p><p>A coda for the Season Two episode Meat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough to See By

**Author's Note:**

> old fic moved from LJ

Ianto is still at the hub when the others leave. Tosh nods curtly as she heads for the door, avoiding Owen and clearly angry. At Gwen for breaking rules, at Jack for letting her, at herself for resenting that Gwen can be happy in a way that always has eluded Tosh.

Ianto should have made her tea, and smiled at her so she had an excuse to smile back. Nothing much just an acknowledgment to break her mood, its a little routine the two of them have built up, a way to comfort each other when the other three members of the team are having large dramatic moments.

But he didn't, because he’s still trying to sort his own head out.

Owen left a little while after that. He fixed a penetrating glare at Ianto on his way out. “You don’t have to stick around for him you know? You should go home and get some sleep.”

Ianto pastes on a blank smile and says goodbye, Owen leaves with a shake of his head. Ianto doesn't know what to be more incredulous about. The fact that Owen is worried about Ianto chasing after Jack when Tosh has been chasing him all day, or the assumption that Ianto is chasing after Jack.

Despite what most of the universe seems to think, not everything is about Jack.

Ianto cleans up, when everything is binned and the surfaces have been wiped over, he makes a pot of coffee He leaves a note on the computer system.

Sir,

I’m still in the archives. Please don’t lock me in. Again.

There’s coffee in the pot. I may be a while; I’ll lock up when I’m done.

Ianto.

To be fair to Jack locking Ianto in the archives only happened once, but he still teases the other man about it.

By the time he’s walked down the maze of corridors to the backroom he was aiming for his hands have started to shake. He closed the door behind himself and switches on the light. It’s not a strong bulb but it gives enough light to navigate by. It’s only a small room; there are old cardboard boxes everywhere and an old mostly broken chair in the corner. There a CCTV camera in here but it’s never worked in all the time Ianto's worked here. He noticed the blind spot when he was looking after Lisa and just, never brought it to anyone’s attention.

This is the room Ianto used to come to when the pressure of looking after Lisa was too much. Every time he wanted to give up, to just let her go. Not for her sake, but for his, because it was just too hard. He comes here every time he has to do something for Torchwood that tugs at his, admittedly warped, moral sensibilities. He came here during the time Jack was gone. Every time he found himself hating the other man. He doesn't want to take those feelings home with him. They’re part of Torchwood, they should stay here. It doesn't always work. 

Ianto ignores the chair and slides down a wall to the floor. He hugs his knees and closes his eyes letting himself shake. He’s not a field agent, he never wanted to be. They gave him the option of training when he joined Torchwood and he declined. It’s why he ended up in London the first time round, not Cardiff. London had dedicated admin and research staff. 

The others almost died. Gwen almost lost Rhys. And Ianto, Ianto scared himself. Because in that moment he’d really wanted to kill those men. Not threatening to make a point, or trying to scare them. He applied a stun gun directly to the leaders head. He knows the risks involved in that. The man could have been left with brain damage, he could have died. Ianto knew that, he just hadn't cared. 

Part of him wishes that he had killed them. Back when he could have justified it to others if not himself. It turns his stomach to think they nearly killed his friends and they get a free pass, they won’t even remember what they did. They don’t have to live with it.

Ianto really, truly hates them. They weren't even evil, just greed driving them to do something that would give evil pause. He can imagine all the justifications they used. We need this, we deserve this, it’s not human, we’re not doing anything wrong…

All the justifications Torchwood One used.

He can feel the sob rising in the back of his throat and he buries his face in his knees to muffle it. 

He doesn't hear the door open, but he feels the warm body sit down next to his. For a strange moment he thinks its Gwen. As far as he knows she’s the only one who knows about this room. She found him down here, not long after Jack left. She dragged him out to the pub and made him talk. Once he started he couldn’t stop, he glared at her and accused her of being a police woman and she just grinned and told him the term was police officer and that he’d be okay.

He believed her, and had started to see the reason Jack had hired her. By the time the other man came back Ianto knew exactly why she’d been hired. But it couldn't be Gwen, Gwen was home with Rhys. Safe. 

Not killed by a wounded, drugged, giant alien trying desperately to get free. Not grieving the lost of her fiancé. Safe. 

And Tosh was safe, and Owen, and Jack.

“He shot you” said Jack calmly.

Ianto feels his head spin slightly, he didn't get shot. Then he remembers lying on his back with the gun in his face. “He didn't have any bullets left,” replied Ianto, raising his head and locking up his own feelings so he could deal with Jack’s.

Jack silently shakes his own head. “That’s not the point. He could have. You could have died and it didn't register with me until I saw your note on the computer. Until I realised that you wouldn't have been here to write it if he’d had just one more bullet. And I didn't think about that at all at the time.”

Ianto stares straight ahead. “If you were trying to protect me out in the field, if you were worrying about me all the time, we’d all end up dead. I’m fine Jack.”

Jack shifts slightly wrapping an arm round Ianto and pulling the younger man closer. Ianto doesn't know who that’s supposed to be comfort for. “Yeah, you’re so fine you’re curled up down here in the dark.”

Ianto lets himself relax into Jack. “There’s a light on.”

Jack snorts. “It’s not doing much good.”

“It’s enough.” 

They sit in silence for a while. Eventually Jack breaks it. “Ianto about Gwen, I… I don’t know…”

Ianto pokes Jack in the side, and has the pleasure of hearing the other man yelp. “I know about Gwen. I don’t need reassuring.”

“She doesn't need me anymore,” said Jack in a small voice.

“She never really did,” said Ianto kindly. “You couldn't expect her to stay the wide-eyed innocent forever.”

“Why not?”

Ianto didn't answer just made an “hmmpt” sound in the back of his throat.

“I still need her,” continued Jack.

“And you hate that you can’t control that,” said Ianto letting his eyes close feeling himself drift ever so slightly, tethered by Jack.

“How do you know that?” asked Jack with something close to wonder in his voice.

There’s another long silence. Again Jack is the one to break it.

“We should leave, this room is depressing. And cold.”

“In a minute,” murmurs Ianto. “Just stay with me a while.”

Jack’s arms tighten round him. Safe Ianto reminds himself. Everyone got out. Everyone is safe.


End file.
